yEP, still staying inside….

Man, when I started this blog I knew it might be a bit boring, but shit….Maybe I will start taking requests and get to the old spider bite during the eclipse story in the next few days. I didn’t write yesterday because I was sleeping for most of the day. Then I got up in the middle of the night and ate. Then I just laid around all day today not quite being able to sleep because I drank a bunch of caffeine, but still tried my best to pretend I was sleeping. Still did not want to get up and do any “work” of any sort. I guess this isolation is getting to me more than I thought it would. I honestly thought it would be a nice change and that I would be able to get some stuff done, but I feel drained from it. And I’m lucky – we have a nice little enclosed courtyard that I can go sit outside in and be in peace. I guess just the news stories are getting to me, and I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about the fact that I am a smoker. Initially I was ready to just get the virus over with, because I assume that I will get it at some point. Aside from the smoking though, I am relatively healthy – being a New Yorker I get a ton of walking and general exercise in just by not owning a car and always kind of being in a rush. I could definitely eat more fruits and vegetables,and sadly I eat McDonalds at work a lot, but when I am home I usually cook for myself and take my vitamins. I make sure to stay hydrated, I am not overweight. But hearing what this can do to your lungs……yeah, I am not so eager to get it out of the way anymore. I dare say I’d prefer not to get it at all.

I can tell I am worried about it from my dream the other day. I hate to be that person that describes their dream, but what the hell, I’m going to do it anyhow. I’ll make it quick – In my dream I was married or partnered up with some guy that was trying to murder me. He had bound my hands, strangely, with a garden hose. I somehow escaped and ran. A few blocks away and around a corner there was a man loading some stuff from his truck into a big house. I told him I was being chased and needed a place to hide. He unbound my hands and ushered me into the house. He said I could stay there as long as I needed. I was freaked out that the killer would find me, so I kept climbing up the stairs. It was a five story house with all kinds of old built ins and hiding places, but I was still afraid. The guy who saved me was fixing up the house. I was scared what I would do when he went home for the night, because nobody lived there yet. I worried there was no electricity and I would be hiding in the dark waiting for my killler. I was able to get myself to wake up, and was glad because that was a shitty dream, and I do not normally get nightmares. I got some juice and went to the bathroom. I figured I had woken up sufficiently enough to not fall back into the dream, but I did. But luckily, the dream took a nice twist. A couple wanted to rent a floor of the big house, and the guy himself moved in and we all lived in this gigantic old house by ourselves. The killer cam by once, and we chased him off with a gun. All was well.

So, not the most interesting dream, but the theme of locking myself away and having fear of what will happen next is unmistakable.

It is really disheartening seeing photos of the beaches in California and Florida packed with people and realizing that people are not taking this thing seriously. I have barely been out except for a couple of grocery store runs, but the other day the neighborhood had quite a few people out during the day. It is quiet at night, but from what I gather still a lot of people acting like they don’t have a care in the world. Maybe that is better than reading the news obsessively and realizing the outcome of that, but jesus.. And don’t even get me started on fucking Donald Trump. I think he should be forcibly removed and not allowed to speak or tweet on anything concerning this crisis. Already people are dying because of his false claims that the FDA had approved hydroxychloroquine for the coronavirus and it was a “game changer”. And now he clearly wants to end the stay at home order as quickly as possible so that his economy will go up. 15 days is not enough, especially when a lot of people currently aren’t taking it seriously. And I get it, NYC has eight million people, if the number infected is only around ten thousand (not sure what it is up to now) it doesn’t sound that daunting. But given that nobody but those in very dire need at the ER or older people and immune compromised are being tested, god only knows how many people have it and are spreading it.

I talked to my mom in Arizona tonight. I made the mistake of saying that I thought there was a slim chance I had already had the virus, because a few weeks ago I had some symptoms that fit – particularly fevers (I had also had a cold before then) and one day I did have shortness of breath. But the fevers were weird. In fact, I never took my temperature so I don’t know if I had a fever, and these were more like “hot flashes” I would just suddenly be extremely hot, when I am almost always cold. They lasted for about a week. I had assumed at the time that since I am around the age of menopause that was the explanation. But they went away. Who knows. It probably is menopausal symptoms. But unfortunately, my mom seems to now believe that I already had corona virus and I’m all clear!! YAY! I highly doubt that. I mean, I HOPE that is the case, but unfortunately I don’t think so, that is just wishful thinking. Probably I will have a rough time with it because I smoke.

Also, I’m not certain they know yet if you can keep getting it. I imagine once infected you build up an immunity, but I imagine you are still vulnerable to another round.

In other news, I hear Amazon prime packages are on delay for up to a month.

When we get out of this though, I plan to really try my best to focus on supporting small local businesses.

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