It’s been a while since I have written. I guess the whole pandemic just became such an overwhelming fact of reality that this blog just became a weird venue for ranting about various unrelated stuff, or relaying old stories.
But, someday I suppose I will want to remember all of this, so here is the catch up since July –
It’s been fucking depressing. NYC got through the really rough time of people dying off everywhere. The Black Lives Matter protests started happening right at the end of the code red death phase, and people who would normally not risk going outside suddenly began to go out into the world because there was a cause that actually mattered. A few barbecues were had where we all debated our own comfort levels regarding social gatherings, distance, surfaces, etc. Those moments were good – seeing people and pretending things were kind of okay and normal was great.
But, god… The whole work thing is just a shambles right now. My boss is several weeks behind in payroll, and the office is likely to shut down next month. My Monday boss, the multi-millionaire, has yet to pay me for getting all of the bullshit done for his taxes. I doubt that he will ever pay me. I am not surprised at all. The other boss will pay me, I am sure, but it has become this weird thing where I am now going to his house to help his girlfriend with her daily stuff and have basically become their personal house assistant while we decide what to do.
I have had a rough time with all of this uncertainty, and living alone with nobody to set me straight found myself sleeping all day, staying up all night, and drinking way too much. And then just hating myself for it. I am not normally an anxiety ridden person, but this has taken a toll. I don’t eat when I am anxious either, so it’s just bad all around. Occasionally my boss has wanted me in the office, and one day I called in sick. I actually did have a headache, sore throat, and upset stomach, but it was probably mostly PMS, smoking too much, nd a hangover. Anyway, he wanted me to get a covid test before coming back to work. Oopsy, and also, duh.
I kind of got a better handle on it for a couple of weeks, was getting into a regular schedule and all, but I’m slipping again.
There is also just this feeling of helplessness – I mean, why pretend to try at work when I’m just going to be shitcanned in a few weeks most likely. On the other hand, I had some oddly prescient stock market buys right before the pandemic and I am doing phenomenally well in that regard. I know the stocks will go down as they always do, but damn…. I have made more this year trading stocks than I have with my job. Substantially more. So…. I mean, that’s confusing my outlook on going to work for shit I’m not even interested in doing…. (also, if there happen to be any shitbags out there that say ‘ you are doing well in the stock market because of Trump’, you are wrong.) What is going up is clean energy, weed, the cloud, and fake meat. But mostly, clean energy.
My only hero of the pandemic is my new cat, Buddy. He’s a stray that just started showing up in my courtyard during the lockdown. Due to my unsavory habit of smoking, I saw him quite often, and we became friends. There is a long, sweet friendship story there – I ended up getting him neutered and he now lives in my house and I LOVE HIM, but……. right now we are pissed at each other because I left for two hours today so he knocked over his water bowl and is even now trying to tear shit up because I am not paying him enough attention. And he refused to go outside today because his precious ass can no longer handle rain or inclement weather.
And don’t EVEN get me started on Donald Trump. I have no qualms with saying I wish he had died from covid. I think he is criminally negligent. God, what a fucking jack ass. Thankfully, I don’t think he has a shot in hell to win.
Alright, over and out. My new cat is plotting to kill me, and not even trying to hide it.