For those of you that follow, or hell, those of you that don’t, my last entry was about this urn full of cremains that I have had for twenty years or so belonging to someone I don’t even know. Despite the fact that I morbidly tried to sell them online, I have also over the years attempted to find out who Holly Ann is, and potentially find a relative to reunite the remains with, but had no luck.
Several people offered good advice on places to look on the internet, etc. But one of my friends fired off an email to her mother in law, who happens to be really into genealogy and Ancestry.com. She wrote her an email claiming I had no idea when I bought the urn that it was cremains, but hey, can you find anything on this? Which was hilarious, but still…
The very next morning, within hours, the mother in law triumphantly replied with Holly Ann’s obituary. After all of these years, it took one person like five minutes. The obituary showed a photo of her, and I remarked to my friend “she’s pretty!” and my friend noted that the obituary said she had a fiancé , and she said ‘yeah, it’s nice that she died happy and in love’.
The obituary did not mention cause of death, just that she had a fiancé, a son, and a daughter.
I was almost kind of conflicted, because I am so used to having this urn just sitting in my living room, that it seemed a little sad to find out who she was and have a lead on who to contact to return her. But I decided I would try to reach out to the daughter. The remains were abandoned in an apartment by a man, so that was probably either the son or the fiancé. The fiancé had probably moved on, I supposed, and the son was perhaps the one who abandoned her in the first place. So daughter it is.
I found her fairly quickly with the details provided in the obituary. The cities she had lived in (one of the things that hindered me from finding Holly Ann was she was not actually from Oregon, but now I knew where to pinpoint), The daughter has a distinct middle name, and the age worked out. I 100% knew this was the daughter. I even paid the stupid people search thing on the internet a dollar to get her current phone number and address. I was nervous, because, what the fuck – out of the blue you are going to call up this chick and say you have been keeping her mothers ashes for 20 years and now you want to send them to her? It’s kind of crazy…
So I had a phone number, I had an address, and I was mentally rehearsing my call to her when I decided to look her up on Facebook…GOLDMINE.
All I can say is, Holy shit – this woman is a piece of work… Her whole facebook feed is full of references to meth, her abusive relationships, threatening other people and ho’s, all of course sprinkled rather liberally with some inspirational quotes. To balance it out or whatever. She just sounds like a truly nasty, aggressive, frankly horrible person. One of her boyfriends, I lost track who was current, is fresh from prison. But I get the idea that they all are.
One entry in particular describes a school that ‘her nana and grandfather sent her to from 13 to 17. It sounds like a horrid place, and she mentioned in that time she only saw her grandparents twice and her mother once. Which is very sad, but also lads me to believe that:
A: her mother could not take care of her and she was left with the grandparents
B: The grandparents sent her to this place and basically gave up
Jesus, it all sounds so horrible. But in the end, I have decided I would rather not contact this person at all. She sounds way too messed up for me to even attempt to tangle with, and I doubt she’d even care. I could send the urn to the address I have anonymously, but I am not sure at all that it is current. Plus the thing weighs a ton and it would cost a small fortune to mail it.
What sucks is that I was fine giving the urn a home when I imagined it was maybe a nice lady who was just unfortunately misplaced by her mentally disturbed son. Now, knowing she died at 41 and seeing the literal fruits of her labor, I kind of assume she was pretty awful as well. I know awful people have good parts too, and it takes one to make one, but – – aaaahhhh….It just sucks that this is how it turned out. The mystery has been solved 20 years later, and it’s complete shit.
What would you do?