The Grim Reality is Setting In

Not much to say today. My sleep schedule is not even close to normal anymore. Maybe that is in part why I feel so cranky and down right now, I’ve been up since 5am. Don’t even bother reading this if you are hoping for a little ray of light…

This day has lasted 10 times longer than usual in part because of being cooped up, but in particular from not having much to do other than fixate on the news. There are times when I am super happy that I am by myself and not stuck 24/7 with another person, but sometimes I think that might be a nice distraction. But really, I think it would drive me completely insane.

It’s hard to see photos of the parks around NYC being full of people out working on their tans, playing sports together, and just generally acting like it’s a beautiful sunny day and ‘let’s hang out at the park!’ Meanwhile temporary hospitals are being built, one right in Central Park, and the bodies are piling up so fast they need to be put in trucks. I guess until these people enjoying themselves casually in the park know someone personally who has died this is going to keep going on. My mom was saying the other day that things look hopeful because China managed to get things under some control – but people in China weren’t lounging around in parks. I know the USA is all about personal freedom and stuff, but jesus fucking Christ.

It sucks to feel powerless to these idiots who don’t understand the seriousness of it or only care about themselves. It sucks that our government has fucked this up so incredibly beyond belief. It sucks that people that don’t live in hot spots, or you know, the current epicenter of the world, make light of it and think it’s just some abstract thing, or the old ‘ whatever, tons of people die from the flu every year’ ( which by the way is the stupidest fucking argument to make ever, in my opinion). It makes me angry that people with a more comfortable lifestyle and jobs that are completely functional as work from home don’t seem to get how vulnerable lower income people, immigrants, independent business owners, gig economy workers, the arts community, restaurant workers, on and on and on the list goes, are.

It’s truly weird to think that when we come out of this the world will have completely changed and nobody knows exactly how yet, or how long that will take to happen, and how long it will take to even kind of remotely resemble what it was like before.

So yeah, this is depressing as hell, and it’s just the beginning.

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