Given that I have never in my life been able to drag my ass out of bed without an enormous mental struggle, am chronically late at all times, can’t seem to quit drinking or smoking (although I’m not sure I’ve really put in all the effort there), as well as a host of other personality attributes, it’s not too surprising to find that I appear to be bad so far at working from home. Granted, this is only day four, and tomorrow we are going to see a world of difference, let me tell you. ..
But still. For now, I suck.
I already have a late start time at work because 9am just wasn’t working for me. But as all of my previous bosses in life have discovered, they can change my start time and it won’t matter. I could (well, maybe that’s a stretch) wake up 5 hours early and I’d still be late. So anyway, my alarm went off today and I ignored it for 15 more minutes of sleep. Then I woke up two hours later, feeling a silent shame even though nobody was any the wiser.
I got started on doing some stuff, fired off a few emails so there would be a trail, and realized I might need a printer and scanner if this is going to last for long. And now I wonder if I need to get that immediately because maybe in a couple of days stuff like that will not be delivered? Would my boss pay for it? (I’m guessing he would, but it almost feels weird to ask). What prompted this was our payroll company telling me that we need to notify the IRS because our office recently moved to a new address. So I need to print the form, have it signed, etc. Then I wondered if we will even keep the office address. We might be in this for a long time, and my boss already didn’t seem to excited about that office situation.
So I guess more clarity on that tomorrow. I am planning to have my shit together in a timely fashion and will talk to my boss. I’m also wondering what will happen with the other boss who is secreted away in his bunker in the Hamptons. Will this finally be the out I have been looking for? I have been trying to get him to fire me for literally years now….
I think the lack of McDonalds food is causing me to lose weight. Or maybe it’s just that I have been wearing the same pants for five days. In any case, there is noticeable ass sag. I’ve never really had any semblance of an ass to begin with, but I guess I will switch it up and wear different pants tomorrow. Right now I look like I have just completely given up on life. Today I almost wore a hat to the bodega because I haven’t brushed my hair in a day and a half, but then I was like “fuck it, who cares?”.
Today I heard an ice cream truck for the first time this season. Normally that gets me really excited. Not because I like ice cream, but much like the first walk by a NYC gutter in spring when that ungodly stench comes out, it’s a sign that summer is coming. I also really enjoy the rendition of “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountains When She Comes” that the ice cream trucks play, which feature a kazoo at one point.
This year it’s a bit more depressing though, it’s more like a sad reminder that this summer will not be normal by any means.
Wouldn’t it be great if along with ice cream trucks we had trucks driving by blaring Italian, French, and Spanish music selling pasta, French food, and tacos? (Hell, all nationalities!) It’s perfect for social distancing. It would be great for seniors or people who can’t easily go out and prepare food. It would be delicious. As my boss would say, “Let’s make it happen!”. I have no idea how to make something like that happen, but I sure as hell wish someone would. Are you with me people?
In other strange news, my ex texted me tonight. It wasn’t a “u up?” text, rather he seemed to just want to inform me that he is going vegetarian and was going to go to bars in Bushwick this past Monday, but they all shut down and what was the world coming to. No question mark, just a statement. Man, he must be hard up for conversation if he is sending me that. As far as I know he is isolating himself with his girlfriend who I suspect he lives with , so whatever to him. I don’t think a response is required.
I guess I am just used to being by myself all of the time. I live alone, I don’t really even like “most people”, so I am not having a hard time at all with being stuck in my house for a while. I just don’t like the uncertainty of where things are headed or for how long. But I am getting the sense that for a lot of people this is a startling change that they are having a hard time getting used to. Tomorrow I am planning an exciting trip to the grocery store, and hopefully the 99 cent store. I might throw a BBQ for myself. Yay! Maybe I’ll take some photos.
The Quarantine Diaries 